


Sentimental Journey

by Inell



Series: Fools Rush In [9]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Clint/Steve OTP, Established Relationship, Fools Rush In Series, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inell/pseuds/Inell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memorials and memories commemorate the year anniversary of what’s become known as the Battle of Midtown</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sentimental Journey

It’s a little difficult to believe that it’s been a year since Steve was asked to become part of the Avengers and they successfully defeated Loki. Time is such an odd thing, Steve’s realized. Often, it feels like they’ve been a team for years. They’re more than a team, really. They’re a family. There’s a trust between them that he knows isn’t given easy by any of the others and that somehow makes it matter more. It’s funny, when he thinks about it, because this isn’t what he expected a year ago. After all, they hated each other at first, which isn’t something he’s necessarily proud of, but their egos clashed and they let petty fighting get in the way of teamwork. Even after the dust cleared and Loki was sent to Asgard, they weren’t planning to actually become a team. 

Hell, he remembers leaving Manhattan, just driving his motorcycle down to Washington D.C. to visit the national cemetery and various museums. His plan had been to leave the fighting behind and focus on the present, travel America and learn about what he’d missed during the frozen years, but it hadn’t even been a month before he found himself back in Manhattan. Steve still isn’t sure what drew him back, but he can remember the day he went to Tony’s office and awkwardly apologized and found himself being shown blueprints to several floors that Tony was calling Avengers Tower. It turned out that Clint had been the first one back, and Bruce had returned soon after.

At first, it had been the four of them plus Pepper living out of the mess that had been left behind in the tower. Natasha dropped in to visit Clint and always shared his room, which Steve had mistakenly interpreted as them being romantically involved, and Thor had been on another planet. When Thor returned, he’d made himself at home without even questioning it. Natasha refused to acknowledge that she’d officially moved in, despite having her suite of rooms by then, until a few months ago, just before he and Clint started dating. They’ve also got Pepper and Jane, of course, and Rhodey when he’s in town and Happy pops in whenever they need him, even if it’s before they realize they need him. It’s nice, being part of something that’s special and that feels like home.

It’s something worth commemorating, he decides, even if the circumstances of them finding each other are a horrible battle that left many dead. Steve can understand the desire to celebrate an anniversary of an event that had such an impact on people. Not only does it provide an opportunity to honor those who are no longer part of the world, but it also remembers the everyday heroes who helped save lives and gives people a chance to move forward without forgetting what cause change in their lives.

While he knows that the events at the Battle of Midtown, as people began to refer to the event immediately following the aftermath, were successful because of the Avengers and what they did to help save the world, basically, it still feels awkward to praised for simply doing their jobs. The superhero aspect of what they do is something that he’s probably never going to accept easily, but it never bothers him as much as it does during an event when people treat them as if they’re above the other soldiers and officers who put their lives on the line every day to protect the world.

With the Battle of Midtown’s one year anniversary, there’s been more publicity and proclamations of their heroics and the role they played in causing the list of victims to be so much smaller than it could have been. There are also the newspapers who focus on the gossip and twist things around to make what they did part of some conspiracy or to try to slander them with untruths about their personal lives. He’s noticed that modern people seem to like having their heroes, but they also revel in tearing them down. It’s an odd statement about human behavior, in his opinion, but it’s not like they can just do what they quietly without the public knowing. It’s two sides of a coin, is how Tony explains it, and you just focus on the good side and ignore the bad.

Steve finds it easier to ignore the bad when the gossip rags aren’t so focused on him and Clint. They’re good-looking men who don’t easily fit the public stereotype, according to Jane, so it shouldn’t be surprising that their coming out isn’t something the public is just accepting and letting fade into the past. Instead, their images are in magazines, and they get requests for interviews and opinions on any random thing that could impact the gay community or get dragged into the negative hate fueled by the super religious types who seem driven by that hate instead of any concept of love thy neighbor.

Clint is worse at that aspect of everything than Steve is, since the whole point of his life before had been to be invisible and be a stealth sniper whose face is forgotten by any who might notice him. So Steve fields a lot of those interview requests and refuses them unless it truly is something positive that could help other people like them make a progression in the way the government or society views them. He doesn’t claim to be a spokesman for anyone but themselves, yet he knows what it’s like to not have a voice and to not have anyone speak up for what’s fair and just. Clint does interviews with him when they accept the offers, which isn’t often, but they’re both trying to navigate these waters together because neither of them is accustomed to having their private lives so well-known. It’s definitely a downside to celebrity, especially celebrity that’s not chosen but is instead forced upon you because you happen to save the world occasionally.

When he hears footsteps behind him, Steve turns his attention away from the window and smiles at Clint. “I actually heard you approaching this time, sweetheart. You must be getting rusty.”

Clint snorts. “Nah, you heard me because I wanted you to, babe. You’ve been staring out the window for a while now, so I figured you must be lost in thought. Penny for them? Or are they not shareable?”

Steve loves that Clint gives him the option. There are times when he drifts into thoughts that he wants to keep to himself, that either aren’t worth sharing or are private rambling types of things that wouldn’t make sense outside of his brain. The fact that Clint knows him well enough to just toss it out there, that he can share if he wants but shouldn’t feel obligated, is really nice. He tries to do the same, but he knows that Clint sometimes wants the pressure to give himself permission to share, so it’s something Steve’s had to learn. “I was just thinking about a year ago, and the price of celebrity, in a way.”

“Deep thoughts.” Clint smiles wryly. “I think it’s ridiculous that we’re considered celebrities, and I really wish some hot new thing would hit Hollywood so we’d become old news.”

It’s not surprising that Clint focuses on that instead of the anniversary. He’s been increasingly tense as it got closer, and Steve knows it can’t be easy for him. With the whole Loki controlled time Clint had to experience coupled with losing Coulson, those events seem to overshadow the victory they did have, so it makes sense that Clint’s not reacting well to the publicity and events that have been scheduled to commemorate the battle. They’ve already had to attend a memorial dedication that morning, as the Avengers, but now the rest of the day is theirs. “We can just stay here, if you want,” he offers, reaching out to grab Clint’s hand and tug him closer.

“What? Oh, no, that’s fine. The block party thing should be interesting, and the rest of the team wants to go.” Clint shrugs a shoulder. “I’m just not feeling the festive spirit, you know? Once we’re there, it’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Steve leans down to kiss him lightly. “I know the memorial made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Well, yeah. I felt like a hypocrite standing there in my uniform being treated like some sort of hero when I know there were names on that stone that were put there because of me.”

“Sweetheart, there were a hell of a lot of names not on there because of you, too. You can’t hold yourself responsible for what Loki made you do.”

“Hate to be the one to tell you, but I can and I do. Seriously, Steve, it’s okay. I spent months talking to the shrinks and dealing with the guilt. It’s never going to go away, though. Whether Loki was in my head or not, I was the one who pulled the trigger and set up the explosions. Those deaths are on my shoulders, but I know that I wouldn’t have killed them if it hadn’t been for him. That’s how I was finally able to sleep at night.”

Steve frowns and strokes Clint’s jaw with his thumb. “I just hate that you beat yourself up over something you couldn’t control. It makes me feel helpless to not be able to take away that pain and make it better.”

Clint smiles. “You’re not helpless, babe. You keep my ass in line, and you make sure I actually listen to what I know instead of letting it drive me fucking crazy. Even back at the beginning, you helped keep me from getting too deep with my guilt and self-hatred. You’re the big damn hero, after all, and Phil constantly talked about Captain America being the ideal. The fact that you wanted me on your team, even after all that, well, it meant a lot.”

“Captain America might be an ideal soldier, but I’m just Steve,” he points out. “And I know that you wouldn’t have done what you did if you’d had a choice. Of course I wanted you on my team, especially when I realized the files weren’t exaggerating about your ability to hit a target and then I found out about the tactical skills and your ability to formulate successful mission plans.”

“I happen to love Steve Rogers,” Clint says. “And there’s no ‘just’ about him, so please don’t be insulting my Steve.” He leans up to kiss Steve’s bottom lip. “I want to go to the block party because I know I’ll just wrap myself up in guilt and regret if I don’t make an effort to get out there and remember what we saved.”

“No wrapping up in anything but my arms.” Steve does just that, moving his arms around Clint and holding him closer. “We’ll go and we’ll celebrate and we’ll remember those who aren’t with us anymore.”

Clint looks at him and touches his face. “There’s somewhere I’d like to go first. I usually go by myself, but I want you there today. Can we meet the others at the party after?”

“Of course. I’ll go anywhere you want.” Steve kisses his forehead. “You don’t have to do anything by yourself, Clint. Not unless you want to.”

“I know. Love you,” he murmurs. He brushes a kiss against Steve’s throat before he steps back. “We should probably go before I forget about parties and just take you to bed. Or against this window.”

Steve laughs. “Not against the window. It’s too risky. I’d hate to break it and have to explain to Tony why I’ve got glass imbedded in my ass.”

Clint snickers. “I think he’d probably know why, but, yeah, he’d still ask just to get us both. So we’ll mark off ‘fucking against the window’ for potential safety risks.”

“Agreed. If you’ve got some kind of kink involving glass, we can use the balcony some night since we know that glass isn’t going to break.” Steve ducks his head and grins. “That might actually be on the list already, since you seem to love sitting out there and staring down.”

“God, babe. You kill me. I’d love to get you out there and make you scream while I’m buried inside you.” Clint reaches down to squeeze Steve’s ass. “It’s only fair, really, seeing as how you’ve already done that to me out there. Not on the glass, but still. It counts.”

“Of course it counts.” Steve kisses Clint more thoroughly, cupping his ass and pulling him closer. With a low groan, he reluctantly lets go and sucks in a few breaths. “Right. We should go, like you said. Or I’ll forget the party and have you naked and in bed immediately.”

Clint grins. “While I’d prefer that to the block party, I figure the family would come hunt us down if we don’t meet them at the party. Tony’s been looking forward to this.”

“I’m ready when you are,” Steve says. He’s actually been looking forward to the party, too, especially since he found out about the various booths that would be offering different goods and services for a donation and good price. He likes arts and crafts, so he’s eager to see what artists have work available. Plus, there’s supposed to be a booth with handmade quilts, and he definitely wants to get one for him and Clint. He rather likes the idea of snuggling beneath one this winter. Maybe he should try to learn how to quilt himself or knit. Knitting looks like it could be fun.

“Babe, are you listening?” Clint smiles slightly. “You’re zoning out again, and I don’t think it’s because you’re thinking about sex this time.”

“I do think about a lot of other things,” Steve points out. “Sex just happens to make up a substantial percentage of my thoughts since meeting you. Actually, I was thinking about quilts and learning how to knit. I could use a hobby, and it would be nice to be able to knit us gloves and hats for winter instead of having to buy them.”

“Knitting?” Clint arches a brow. “By the time you bought the yarn and stuff, you probably could afford to buy the gloves and hats already done. But, hey, if you want a new hobby, that’s a good one. Fury could actually tell you something about it, but I’ll totally deny being the one who told you he knits as stress relief.”

“I’m pretty sure he’d figure it out, denial or not.” Steve grins. “Fury is a knitter? Really?”

Clint snorts. “He’s even part of a knitting group, but that’s classified information. I only know because I got bored between assignments and followed him. It’s all good, though. He made me little hats for my arrowheads to keep them from getting iced over when I got sent to Iceland for a mission.”

“I somehow doubt that’s something he’d appreciate becoming common knowledge, so I think I’ll stick to internet research or maybe a class at a crafts place. It could be fun.” Steve flutters his eyelashes and purses his lips in a way that he knows tends to distract Clint. “It could be a bonding activity, even.”

“Huh?” Clint blinks and glances up from where’s been staring at Steve’s mouth. “Wait. You want me to take a knitting class with you? Steve, babe, c’mon. The only way I’d know how to use for a knitting needle is to kill someone. If you tilt it just right, it can enter someone’s brain through their ear canal or even through their nose. Do you really trust me with a bunch of knitting needles?”

Steve has a tough time keeping a straight face when Clint does his own distracting mouth action. “You know, the only negative I’ve noticed so far about relationships is that we learn each other’s tells, and they stop being effective. You’re supposed to fall for the pout and eyelashes, sweetheart. Not give me the sulky lips that make me want to nibble them.”

“I didn’t say no,” Clint says with a laugh. “I just don’t know if I can handle knitting. Even for you. You can feel free to nibble away, though, even if it didn’t get me out of the hobby thing.”

“Offers like that are only going to delay us even more.” Steve leans in for a nibble anyway followed by a quick kiss. When he pulls back, he smiles. “We should go now.”

“You keep saying that yet we’re still here.” Clint snickers and shakes his head. “We do need to leave because I have a stop to make before we meet the others.”

Steve nods and is rather proud of himself for resisting the urge to steal another kiss. Instead, he follows Clint out of their apartment. They take the subway and have to make a connection before they hit topside in Chelsea. He doesn’t ask where they’re going, since he figures he’ll find out soon enough, so they spend their time talking about the block party and random stuff that occurs to one or the other of them as they walk.

When they reach a staircase and sign for the High Line park, he glances at Clint. “I haven’t had a chance to come here, but I heard about it. There was a train that ran through here, and I couldn’t imagine the tracks becoming a park.”

“It’s a cool place. Even when it gets crowded, it’s still pretty peaceful,” Clint says, reaching out and taking Steve’s hand. He squeezes it before they head up the stairs.

“Wow. This is pretty damn swell.” Steve looks around curiously as they begin to walk. “It’s hard to believe this is right above the city streets. It’s such an innovative idea.”

“Phil really liked it here.” Clint tightens his grip on Steve’s hand. “We had more than a few debriefs here while eating hot dogs and chilling after rough missions. It’s where I come when I want to feel close to him.”

Steve understands that. There’s a place in Brooklyn, across the bridge, where he’s gone more times than he can count just to sit and remember Bucky and the old days. “I’m glad you felt you could share it with me.”

Clint shrugs. “Yeah, well, he’d flip at the idea of Captain America visiting one of his favorite places.” He sighs. “There’s no headstone, you know? So there’s not like a specific place to go when I want to talk to him. I mean, I know he’s not really here, that I’m just talking to myself, but it makes me feel better and doesn’t do any harm, so whatever.”

“I knew there was never a formal funeral, but I hadn’t realized he didn’t even have a headstone,” Steve admits. He feels slightly guilty for never asking. There had been a memorial service for all of the people that S.H.I.E.L.D. had lost during the attacks, but he should have asked about something specific just for Coulson.

“He wanted to be cremated, and we were his only family. Nat, Fury and I, that is.” Clint clears his throat and walks slower. “We’ve seen so much fucked up shit in our line of work, none of us want bodies that can be buried. Zombies might not be so far-fetched at some point, and there are other things that can be done to bodies. So Phil had pretty strict instructions, and Fury made sure they were followed.” He looks at Steve. “I, uh, well, you and Nat are now listed in my legal shit, to make sure I get cremated and stuff.”

Steve bites the inside of his cheek and looks at a flowering shrub nearby. “I…okay. I can do that,” he murmurs, not wanting to think about the possibility that he’ll _have_ to do that at some point.

“Anyway, I had to talk to Phil today. It’s been a year, and it sucks, and I hate that he’s not here, but I figure maybe visiting him, in a way, will help.” Clint tugs Steve closer and bumps their hips together. “Besides, I’ve been telling him about us, so it’s only right to bring you along this time.”

“You have?” Steve has to clear his throat this time because he’s still thinking about Clint dying and how he’s supposed to handle that and how close it’s already been just a couple of months ago. “All good, I hope.”

“Of course.” Clint leans in to brush a kiss against his cheek. “There isn’t any bad yet. Well, you do snore sometimes and you’re always kicking the covers off, but I figure Phil doesn’t need to hear about that shit.”

“I’m kicking the covers because you’re like a furnace. I don’t know how you could ever get cold since you must run a fever all the time,” Steve grumbles, smiling as he squeezes Clint’s hand. “Let’s go talk to Phil for a while before we head to the block party. I’d like to tell him a little about you and how you make me feel, just so he knows you’re in good hands.”

Clint ducks his head and smiles as they walk. “Yeah, okay. That’d be nice. I think he’d like to hear that, if he happens to be listening from wherever he is now.”

End

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part in the Fools Rush In verse that I've got planned for now. That might change at any time, of course, but I wanted to post this in case anyone remembers the series and might enjoy it. Thanks again to everyone who read and provided such great encouragement with the kudos/comments! I won't say that the series is complete, as I know they have more stories to tell, so we'll say this is more 'until we meet again' instead of 'the end'.


End file.
